Exhausted

I've been dreading coming back to write in my blog. All I ever write about are things that are bugging me in life. Believe me there are lots of good things but for some reason the bad gets me worked up and I have to write to feel better.

Today I dreaded getting out of bed. This is the second morning in a row that Connor has been up before 6 am. I know he's tired but he will not go back to sleep so I don't even try. Luckily, Toms shower drowns out Connors talking so I'm able to nap till the shower turns off.

I should have given Connor a nap yesterday. He's been so grumpy and mean lately and I know a nap would do wonders for all our attitudes. When Connor's not happy no ones happy.

So, here's how my life has been going lately. Wake up at an ungawdly hour. This is anytime before 7 am. Get Connor up. Play for a bit then head downstairs for breakfast. I prepare Connor whatever it is he's going to eat. Every morning when I come downstairs I noticed the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and there is a huge pile of dishes waiting to be loaded into the dish washer. After that's done and the kitchen looks better I make myself a bite to eat and scraf it down before Connor finishes his breakfast. I almost want to cry when I see the dishwasher in the morning. I've unloaded it and reloaded it every single day for months.

After breakfast I head upstairs and turn on the tv to distract Connor while I shower. About half way through Connor comes in and starts talking to me. How I would love to take an entire shower by myself. He even peeks in on me most weekends too. I make the beds then come into the play room. I try to catch up on the news but Connor has a fit so I succumb to watching cartoons.

Most days we leave the house by ten to visit friends or go places that Connor will enjoy. We do what he wants all day. I try to slip in some house cleaning but it's impossible to mop with a toddler under foot. Everything I clean something up about 5 minutes later its a complete disaster.

Tom comes home at 5 pm which I look forward to every day. What I don't enjoy is that he unloads his lunch box and leaves all the silverware, and Tupperware on the counter. I can't understand why he can't put that stuff in the dishwasher. I end up doing it while I cook dinner. Ugh, dinner. I'm so burned out on cooking. I make 3 meals a day every single day. I never get much help in coming up with dinner ideas so that weight is on my shoulders every week. About half way thorough the week I loose all motivation and really don't want to prepare the meals I have picked out.

Connor takes a bath at 6 and Tom is always great about giving him a bath. Problem is that once you leave the room Connor just wants us back in there again. Most of the time that means I have to go sit and watch him play and talk to him. Believe me when I say I love being with my son but after 10 hours of doing it solid I'm tired. Then either Tom or myself gets him out of the bath. For me it's a constant fight with Connor to get his diaper on (all diaper changes are difficult these days), Jammie's and everything. Then sometimes I read the bedtime stories and Tom always puts him to bed.

So that leaves with exactly hmm.. 5 minutes to myself to do what I want on the computer. Then Tom comes back and expects my full attention for the rest of the evening. I know I'm off and on during the day, and I'm actually taking a break right now while Connor begs me to go outside so I can write this. I try to get laundry done in the evening so I can put it away in the morning.

I'm so tired of this same ole same ole. I'm tired of being a servant to everyone. I just want to be held and told how appreciated I am and how loved I am. What I need is a cheap preschool so I can reclaim some of myself.