Mama Drama

I don't know how I manage to make the wrong choice about everything. It's got to be a rare talent. Anyhow, another moms group down the shitter.

My friend Misty started a weight loss group in Feb. this year. I joined it with hopes to lose weight and while the group was still weight loss related I lost 30 lbs! We found it was really difficult to have a group dedicated to weight loss with so many people with different goals and ideas of how to achieve weight loss. It turned into a moms group.

After a month or two Misty asked me to become an assistant organizer. I should have said no right then and there. I have to admit I was curious what it was like to have control over group functions. Soon I found out it was a lot more work that I really wanted to commit to. Still, Misty was a friend and I was there to help her out. I really am trying to make friends and since I'm new to this I really have no idea how to do it.

Things went well till a few months ago. It's been obvious to me for months that the group is split between those with infants/yearlings and those with older toddlers. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with that because bigger kids are rougher with the little ones because they don't know any better. It's all stuff you learn and accept as your child grows.

After awhile Misty makes it mandatory for people to host one event every 3 months. I didn't think that was asking to much. After all the group was called "Movin' Moms" and we wanted to have an active group. I know that upset a lot of people as some left the group immediately.

Before long people would sign up to be at events then no one would show up. In the past month I went to 4 meetings and 3 of them I was the only one to show up to. Being a sensitive person I took that personally. One of the meetings being my sons birthday and all. I kept my mouth shut about it though which I was really proud of myself for doing.

The last straw was this supposed Halloween Party. Misty wanted to have a little something so we could parade our kids around in their costumes, have snacks, play games and get together and socialize. I have never been in a group that didn't have parties for the holidays. Everyone was in and everyone wanted to have this party. Misty spent a lot of time and money buying stuff for games, and prizes only to find out that those with the younger kids were upset. They were upset to have to be charged $8 (after already paying membership dues) for this party. The money was for renting the hall, and all the stuff Misty purchased. A few of the moms brought up the point that their kids couldn't play the games or eat the snacks so they didn't think they should have to pay but still wanted to come.

Oh I forgot to mention the pumpkin patch. Misty asked if people would be interested in touring Bizi Farms and informed everyone they could get in for $4 per kid (regular price is $8 per adult so this is a deal). Everyone wanted to go. Well it happened to rain that day; got to love the NW. Nearly everyone cancelled so Misty was going to be out the $35 fee they charged to book the tour (completely refundable if you show up). They allowed her to change it to another day but the moms I would classify as the moms of babies deciced to go the following day which was nice. Now Misty is stuck with a $35 cancellation fee.

Anytime you have women together there will be drama. Mama drama can be the worst thing ever. After all the drama of the party and the pumpkin patch Misty had enough and decided that since shew as out over $100 at this point to cancell the group. I don't think she went about it in the best way but she cancelled the group, and then deleted her account. I stuck around to see what would happen. I knew there would be drama. Of course no one took into consideration that not everyone had paid their dues, and that some of our monthly new member meetings and craft playdates came out of group funds. So of course everyone (okay just the baby mamas) think Misty has made a quick buck off of them. In reality she has lost a lot of money.

Yesterday Misty asked if I would post saying that those that paid for the party would get refunded. Stupidly, I went ahead and posted that for her. If I had known now what I do now I wouldn't have done it. Everyone thinks I'm lurking to tell her everything that is going on. One of the moms has went off and formed her own group so I know the baby mamas are getting their panties chaffed on their message board coming up with ridicious rumors and thoughts. I got my ass chewed from them for everything. I was so proud of myself for being level headed and not stooping to their level. Boy, would I have loved digging in with both spurs and tell them exactly what I though of them. I resisted. It got really heated and I basically said I didn't deserve to be talked to like that and that if anyone had a problem with me to take it up with me through email but to stop the drama on the board.

That leads me to Shannins email. It turned out from reading it that she didn't have a problem with me but that she knew about my pot problems. Fuck! I was able to get around that saying I did it back in the day and that I am not ashamed of that. Which I am not. Her quam is with Misty and the fact that I'm her friend makes me bait for their jealousy and rage. I delt with the email with kind words, and bluntly saying that she was only out $8 (membership fees) and that all she can do is just move on and hopefully has learned a lesson.

Last night I was so upset. It didn't surprise me when my hubby said he had lost his wedding ring again. I was just to stressed out to even care about a ring. The ring just symbolizes love. The important thing is that he comes home to me and is devoted to Connor and I. The ring can be replaced but I'm going to be to one to judge the size on the next one. ;-)

Thankfully I had a date with my girlfriends last night at On the Border. The food sucked ass but I manged to put away 3 girl drinks. It was so good to be out with my close friends. The ones that know all about me and accept me for who I am. We had some great conversations, shared drinks, and enjoyed a night out with just the girls. It was great to not have to deal with kids crying. I needed a night off and it was great.

When I got home I went staight to bed but hardly slept. I kept thinking of the drama of the day and how upset I was. I was litterally shaking yesterday afternoon with rage. I was also worried about not making it to Connors dr appointment on time. For some reason I thought my car was blocked in and that I would have to make a 72 point turn to get out of the driveway.

I checked my email this morning and was surprised to have two apologies from the people that ripped me apart. Obviously my email to Shannin did exactly what I wanted and while I would have loved to get an apology on the message board I am going to cut my losses. Mama drama sucks and I hate being a part of it. There is still 13 more days left of the group but after the drama I am not leaving the group till it goes kaput. After all I have paid my dues and have every right to be in on the drama!

Have I learned a lesson? Probably not. I wonder what will happen in 6 months.

Refreshed

Who knew that a weekend trip to the beach would leave me feeling so human again. Just getting away from this place for a few days made me realize how much I love my family and home.

On the ride over to the beach it finally came to me. I'm such a shmuck! Why do I always put Connor before Tom? It should not be like that at all and now I have something to work on. I'm guessing it's because t babies are so helpless and needy. I always felt I needed to meet Connor's needs before the crying and fussing began. Now that he's older I don't feel so glued to him but old habits die hard.

After spending the weekend in a tiny cluttered (cluttered is an understatement I'll have you know) cabin I realized how much I love our large spacious house. The work I've been complaining about is really therapeutic for me. I do feel joy when my house is clean and believe me I still want help in getting all the chores done. I'm going to try to relax some on the chores but I know this will be difficult for me to do. Much easier said than done.

On a sad note I slipped and fell going down the stairs today. I heard a small crack when I landed and I'm wondering if I might have cracked my tail bone. It hurts but I know there is nothing that can be done about it. I wish it was videotaped so I could watch it over right now. I'm sure it was pretty amusing. My foot literally slipped out from under me and I'm sure it looked like I slipped on a banana peel. Then I bounced, on my cushioned, butt down about 2 or 3 stairs before coming to a stop. Connor had been right next to me at the top and was silent as I fell. I think he if I was okay but the birdies were swirling around my head pretty good so I can't be certain. At least he didn't laugh at me!

Another sad note is my 30th birthday this coming Sunday. I'm not really ready to let go of the 20's yet. I think it's a good reminder to me though that I'm not as young as I used to be and that I need to take care of myself. I'm in about the worst shape of my life and if I want to live to see 40 I need to make life changes and stick to them. Exercise is at the top of that list and now when my ass stops hurting I will have to hop back on the treadmill and walk off some of that fat.

Exhausted

I've been dreading coming back to write in my blog. All I ever write about are things that are bugging me in life. Believe me there are lots of good things but for some reason the bad gets me worked up and I have to write to feel better.

Today I dreaded getting out of bed. This is the second morning in a row that Connor has been up before 6 am. I know he's tired but he will not go back to sleep so I don't even try. Luckily, Toms shower drowns out Connors talking so I'm able to nap till the shower turns off.

I should have given Connor a nap yesterday. He's been so grumpy and mean lately and I know a nap would do wonders for all our attitudes. When Connor's not happy no ones happy.

So, here's how my life has been going lately. Wake up at an ungawdly hour. This is anytime before 7 am. Get Connor up. Play for a bit then head downstairs for breakfast. I prepare Connor whatever it is he's going to eat. Every morning when I come downstairs I noticed the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and there is a huge pile of dishes waiting to be loaded into the dish washer. After that's done and the kitchen looks better I make myself a bite to eat and scraf it down before Connor finishes his breakfast. I almost want to cry when I see the dishwasher in the morning. I've unloaded it and reloaded it every single day for months.

After breakfast I head upstairs and turn on the tv to distract Connor while I shower. About half way through Connor comes in and starts talking to me. How I would love to take an entire shower by myself. He even peeks in on me most weekends too. I make the beds then come into the play room. I try to catch up on the news but Connor has a fit so I succumb to watching cartoons.

Most days we leave the house by ten to visit friends or go places that Connor will enjoy. We do what he wants all day. I try to slip in some house cleaning but it's impossible to mop with a toddler under foot. Everything I clean something up about 5 minutes later its a complete disaster.

Tom comes home at 5 pm which I look forward to every day. What I don't enjoy is that he unloads his lunch box and leaves all the silverware, and Tupperware on the counter. I can't understand why he can't put that stuff in the dishwasher. I end up doing it while I cook dinner. Ugh, dinner. I'm so burned out on cooking. I make 3 meals a day every single day. I never get much help in coming up with dinner ideas so that weight is on my shoulders every week. About half way thorough the week I loose all motivation and really don't want to prepare the meals I have picked out.

Connor takes a bath at 6 and Tom is always great about giving him a bath. Problem is that once you leave the room Connor just wants us back in there again. Most of the time that means I have to go sit and watch him play and talk to him. Believe me when I say I love being with my son but after 10 hours of doing it solid I'm tired. Then either Tom or myself gets him out of the bath. For me it's a constant fight with Connor to get his diaper on (all diaper changes are difficult these days), Jammie's and everything. Then sometimes I read the bedtime stories and Tom always puts him to bed.

So that leaves with exactly hmm.. 5 minutes to myself to do what I want on the computer. Then Tom comes back and expects my full attention for the rest of the evening. I know I'm off and on during the day, and I'm actually taking a break right now while Connor begs me to go outside so I can write this. I try to get laundry done in the evening so I can put it away in the morning.

I'm so tired of this same ole same ole. I'm tired of being a servant to everyone. I just want to be held and told how appreciated I am and how loved I am. What I need is a cheap preschool so I can reclaim some of myself.